


honestly what did you expect? (voltron textfic)

by kyumeno



Series: voltron legendary gays [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AND HE NAMED IT RED, Alternate Universe - High School, Aromantic Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Asexual Hunk (Voltron), Asexual Keith (Voltron), Autism Spectrum, Autistic Keith (Voltron), Autistic Pidge | Katie Holt, Chatting & Messaging, Clingy Keith, Cussing, Demiboy Keith, Dirty Language, F/F, F/M, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, HE GOT A CAT GUYS, HRRRRRRNGGG..... I NEED MY KEITHY, Hands, Highschool AU, Hunk (Voltron) Has Anxiety, Hunk (Voltron) is so Pure, IM GONNA SOB I LOVE KEITH, Innocent Keith, Insecure Keith (Voltron), Insecure Lance, KEITH HAS BAD ALLERGIES!!!!, Keith (Voltron) Can't Cook, Keith (Voltron) Has Abandonment Issues, Keith (Voltron) has Allergies, Keith (Voltron) has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith has a dog, Kinda, Korean Keith (Voltron), Lactose Intolerant Keith (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Has ADHD, Lesbian Allura (Voltron), M/M, Matt Holt - Freeform, Minor Hunk/Shay (Voltron), Multi, Nonbinary Keith (Voltron), Nonbinary Pidge | Katie Holt, Offensive Humor, Other, Pansexual Hunk (Voltron), Pansexual Matt Holt, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, SO, Samoan Hunk (Voltron), Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), Texting, Trans Male Keith (Voltron), We love Hunk in this household, YEAH IM MAKING THAT TAG, allura shiro and matt are adults, anxious keith, author has ADD, chatfics, dead, did i mention that keith is REALLY fucking fast, dont comment on anything bad cause theres a good chance ive stopped doin said thing, he/they pronouns for keith, hes there for a split second and hes fucking attractive, i dont want this to be purely kangst but here we are, i just love him okay, i love all of them so much, im sorry there isnt enough vld textfics, its only hinted at, keith and pidge are best friends and its beautiful, keith can sing, keith drops out later on, keith has a cat, keith is a weeb, keith is fast, keith is gonna drop out sometime in the story, keith sneeze cute beby...., keith sneezes and its cute, like the very end, lotor exists for a hot second, mentions of past rape, no im serious, please read the tags, so just, sonic quivers before him, sorry i say the 'r' word, thats fun, thats such a good tag!?, the chapters get a little better as they progress cause this was made over a long period of time, the fic starts at the end of july, theyre kinda ooc, very very fast, voltron text fic, why doesnt clingy keith exist?!, why isnt that a tag, you can rip weeb keith from my cold
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2020-05-07 13:44:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19210633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyumeno/pseuds/kyumeno
Summary: they're all running off of nothing but red bull and spite





	1. the one where lance makes a mistake

**Author's Note:**

> names will change so here are the ones at the beginning. please for the love of god pay attention!!!!! i don't wanna constantly rewrite the names because i'm a lazy slut
> 
> THESE ARE THE BEGGINGING NAMES HNFDUYWAWKUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> lance: labce  
> keith: xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx  
> allura: alluba  
> shiro: shirio  
> coran: CCTGM  
> hunk: sunboy  
> pidge: greendye  
> lotor: l'oreal  
> matt: mbitch
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> FOAMI2MFKDLF;AWEOIJNFJKSDFN i do a lot of keysmashes im so sorry-

**_lance has added keith, shiro, allura, pidge, hunk, coran and matt to 'lady gaga is a lesbian'_ **

 

labce: y hello there

 

labce: ive gathered you all here today

 

shirio: lance what is this

 

labce: to say that lady gaga is a lesbian

 

labce: damnit shiro you ruined it

 

shirio: 1. language and 2. sorry

 

sunboy: see now u upset shiro

 

shirio: im not upset

 

sunboy: he may never forgive us

 

labce: oh no what have i done

 

alluba: Lance!!!!!!! did!!!!! you!!!!!! make!!!!!!! my!!!!!!!! husband!!!!!!!! sad!?!??!??!?!?!?!!??

 

mbitch: i heard sad shirt

 

mbitch: wai

 

labce: shirt

 

sunboy: shirt

 

alluba: shirt

 

shirio: shirt

 

greendye: shirt and why are you texting us in a group called lady gaga is a lesbian

 

keith: wh

 

_**labce has changed 'keith' to 'xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx'** _

 

xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: i

 

xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: ,,,,, okay so i hate this already and ive only been here for like less than a minute

 

labce: its my job to make everyone as miserable as possible in the shortest amount of time

 

sunboy: as his best friend of 14 years i can 100% confirm this statement

 

xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: wait plesae say pidge is here i dont wanna suffer alone

 

greendye: its me, ya gender neutral friend, uhh, skinny penis

 

xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: oh thank fuck

 

alluba: i love that hes not complaining about his name

 

xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: its a they/them day i beg

 

alluba: oop ok

 

alluba: sos

 

shirio: keith?

 

xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: ohgodohfuck

 

labce: ?

 

shirio: see, last night i noticed a /dent/ in the ice cream

 

shirio: can you see where im going with this?

 

xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx: im sorry shiro also can someone /plesae/ change my name?

 

greendye: i got u 

 

_**greendye has changed 'xX_CoolEmo1028_Xx' to 'keitheth'** _

 

keitheth: yknow what

 

keitheth: sure

 

labce: SO ANYWAYS

 

sunboy: oh no here we go again

 

labce: WHAT I REALLY GATHERED YOU ALL HERE TO SAY IS

 

sunboy: ignore him

 

labce: HUNKY BOY HERE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!

 

sunboy: wait for it

 

labce: AND I DO TOO?!!?!?

 

greendye: uh cool but you forget im aroace and have no idea why youre so hyped over this

 

shirio: ignore them, congrats to you lutendant garr-clain

 

mbitch: was that a 

 

mbitch: whatever and yeah congrats boys

 

alluba: about time you stop complaining to me about being lonely

 

labce: al L   U R    a

 

shirio: uh keith?

 

shirio: you alive over there bud?

 

keitheth: yeah, yeah i was finishing stuff

 

greendye: what 'stuff'

 

keitheth: pidge. 

 

greendye: whoops gotta blast-

 

labce: 

 

labce: wokay

 

 

 

 

_**greendye > keitheth** _

__

greendye: hey you okay?

 

keitheth: mhm

 

keitheth: peachy

 

greendye: call?

 

keitheth:

 

keitheth: please

 

 

_**call ended (3:56:23)** _

 

greendye: please take care of yourself i hate seeing you so shriveled and sad

 

keitheth: ughbhgbh but it takes so much EFFORT! 

 

greendye: i know keith

 

greendye: i know

 

 


	2. wall-e is a struggle movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> keith is sad, shalluratt is quaking and hunk just wants his spices put back in their correct spots

_**shirio > lady gaga is a lesbian** _

 

shirio: so

 

mbitch: oh no dont bring the kids into this

 

shirio: who here thinks the earth is a star?

 

keitheth: 

 

keitheth: context please? (also its he/him pls and ty)

 

alluba: i personally think its a planet, not a star. (ok beith)

 

labce: planet

 

sunboy: sorry man but i think its a planet

 

greendye: star 

 

mbitch: SEE

 

shirio: so we all think (except for keith who didnt answer, pidge, and matt) that earth is a planet?

 

labce: if my math isnt wrong, ye

 

keitheth: i think its a planet but im open to all opinions

 

sunboy: keith = a saint

 

shirio: so, matt, please, tell the children what /you/ think the earth is

 

mbitch: ............................................

 

mbitch: a star

 

greendye: let me jsut get google real fast

 

greendye: OKAY WHAT THE FUCK

 

keitheth: ??

 

mbitch: IM DIVORCING GOOGLE THANKS

 

keitheth: /????????????????????????/

 

alluba: im going back to sleep

 

keitheth: same allura

 

sunboy: its??? 1pm???

 

keitheth: do you think that matters to us?

 

alluba: ^^^

 

greendye: ^^^^

 

labce: ^^^^^^^^^^

 

sunboy:

 

sunboy: no....

 

shirio: hunk do you wanna go out nd get some wendys while these utter idiots sleep their lives away?

 

sunboy: sounds festive im in

 

keitheth: shiroo :( can u bring me a salad with strawberries and pecans?

 

shirio: you have to come with us

 

shirio: no exceptions

 

keitheth: ...........

 

keitheth: are yyou taking the minivan or the 300?

 

shirio: minivan cause im also taking matt

 

keitheth: im taking the whole back row and keep the windows tinted 

 

labce: keith is spoiled and its amazing

 

alluba: he is. i would know.

 

alluba: but we love him, sadly

 

sunboy: /sadly/

 

keitheth: im

 

keitheth: offended

 

 

 

_**shirio > keitheth** _

 

shirio: why are you actually coming with?

 

keitheth: i wanted my salad

 

shirio: /keith/

 

keitheth:

 

keitheth: fine

 

keitheth: i wanted to hang out with you

 

shirio: bud 

 

shirio: we couldve hung out anyways! i can always make time for you, youre my little brother!

 

_keitheth is typing_

 

shirio: keith i know what youre gonna say dont even try 

 

keitheth: not by bloo

 

keitheth: 

 

shirio: scale it 1-10

 

keitheth: 7

 

shirio: you can stay in bed and when i get back we can watch wall-e, how does that sound?

 

keitheth: good

 

shirio: sprite?

 

keitheth: sprite

 

 

 

_**mbitch > lady gaga is a lesbian** _

 

mbitch: "no exeptions" my ass

 

shirio: matt, 7, wall-e, sprite

 

mbitch: sir yes sir

 

labce: can we ask?

 

alluba: keith is sad, on a scale of 1/10 is a 7, wall-e is a 'struggle movie' as they phrase it, and same thing with sprite except its a drink

 

sunboy: i- wo

 

labce: you guys 

 

labce: give the boy love

 

greemdye: @keitheth HEY WE LOVE YOU YOU LITTLE SHIT

 

labce: see, thats not how you show love pidgey

 

greendye: its how i do it

 

labce: its like this; keith we love you a lot ok and i know we dont exactly radiate a loving energy in this god forsaken chat but we really do live you and eachother <3 

 

shirio: keith i have your salad

 

keitheth: thank you shiro and i guess i love you guys too

 

sunboy: see, i would be offended if you were anyone else

 

labce: see i would be offended if you w

 

labce: holy shit

 

greendye: it really yabba dabba do be like that

 

 

 

 

 

_**alluba > lady gaga is a lesbian (lmao like 2 hours later)** _

 

alluba:  _[keith_cuddling_shiro]_

 

 

alluba:  _[hes_a_baby_what_the_fuck]_

 

alluba:  _[i_cant_believe_anyone_could_even_think_of_hurting_him]_

 

labce: hes soft im

 

sunboy: see thats the loml right there

 

greendye: see he comes off as all tough n shit but hes fucking dainty and we love him

 

mbitch: when i was in there with them, keith was sprawled out over me and shiro and guys

 

mbitch: he PURRS

 

greendye: thats the first time uve heard him purr?//

 

mbitch: yeah??

 

greendye: hes purrs a ton over at our house

 

greendye: when we're stimming or watching buzzfeed unsolved, or when i scratch his scalp

 

greendye: he can get really soft. im surprised this is the first time hes done it around you guys

 

shirio: i finally pried my phone from under him without him waking 

 

shirio: uh i shouldnt explain the purring situation here

 

shirio: i knew he purred already

 

shirio: but its not my place to tell why he doesnt do it a lot :/

 

sunboy: space dad uses emojis im screaminf

 

 


	3. the one where the team finds stuff out about keith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> keitheth: and then there was one (1)
> 
> labce: im gonna delete my account i fucking swear
> 
> keitheth: and then there was zero (0)
> 
> greendye: what bitch u dont count?
> 
>  
> 
> yo hey hi so in case u havent noticed, theres a warning on this book, "rape/non-con"
> 
> this is the explanation basically
> 
> so yeah this may be triggering to some people, and im sorry that in basically every chapter theres some new keith drama shit, im a weak man. like i said, tred with caution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo hey hi so in case u havent noticed, theres a warning on this book, "rape/non-con"
> 
> this is the explanation basically
> 
> so yeah this may be triggering to some people, and im sorry that in basically every chapter theres some new keith drama shit, im a weak man. like i said, tred with caution. (copied and pasted from the summary)
> 
> uh so tl;dr if u dont wanna read the parts where uh keith explains his 'thing' (sorry not tryna be rude, i just dont enjoy saying that word like its an object and not a serious subject) but basically keith used to date rolo (will be mentioned) and he was forced into non-con sex, and then went to shiro whilst in the midst of a breakdown and a few days later tried to kill himself. 
> 
> yeah thats a lot of stuff you might not wanna read so if you dont like that, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE skip this chapter! i dont want anyone to read something that triggers a memory or hurts them so please just,, take care of yourself both mentally and physically.

_**labce > lady gaga is a lesbian** _

 

labce: GUYS!!!!!!!!

 

sunboy: hm?

 

shirio: thats a concerning amount of '!'s

 

shirio: so please explain before i come to your home and check to see if marco has stolen your phone

 

alluba: do tell, lance!

 

greendye: its 2:30 why did you wake me up

 

shirio: pidge... no....

 

greendye: pidge yes

 

alluba: ?? lonce???

 

mbitch: oh my fuckin god he fuckin dead

 

keitheth: i- im alive wh

 

shirio: sadly

 

keitheth: bitch

 

labce: aa sorry i had to wrestle my phone from kendra

 

labce: BUT!!!!!!

 

labce: for my news!!!!!

 

greendye: [cracks knuckles] its party time bitches

 

labce: 1

 

labce: 2

 

labce: 3!!

 

_**labce has added RolloingDownTheStreet** _

 

??RolloingDownTheStreet: sup fuckers

 

sunboy: why do you have my phone?!

 

??RolloingDownTheStreet: fuck you Thats why!!

 

alluba: hello!!

 

shirio: okay Boys lets introduce ourselves.

 

shirio: shiro, gay, astrologist, dating allura and matt, he/him

 

keitheth: keith, also gay, studying astrology in college, single hoe, he/they

 

alluba: allura, pansexual, still deciding, refer to shiro's message, she/her

 

labce: the names lance ;), bisexual, studying marine biology, dating nyma, he/him

 

mbitch: matt, bi, a nurse at the hospital down altea strt, refer to shiros msg, he/him

 

greendye: pidge, aroace, highschooler, single duh, they/them

 

sunboy: hunk, panromantic heterosexual, studying cuisine, dating shay, he/him

 

RolloingDownTheStreet: i

 

RolloingDownTheStreet: wow

 

RolloingDownTheStreet: okay

 

RolloingDownTheStreet: so im rolo, bisexual, studying mechanics, single, he/him

 

keitheth: wait

 

shirio: rolo?

 

mbitch: rolo?

 

alluba: like, rolo? rolo?

 

keitheth: holy siht

 

RolloingDownTheStreet: wait keith?

 

labce: whaaat??

 

sunboy: whats going on

 

greendye: wait

 

greendye: shit holy shit lance get rolo out of here

 

labce: why??

 

greendye: lance NOW

 

RolloingDownTheStreet: i believe we got off on the wrong foot.

 

**_labce has removed 'RolloingDownTheStreet' from 'lady gaga is a lesbian'!_ **

 

sunboy: what was that??

 

keitheth: bkock hin

 

labce: woah woah woah

 

labce: are you okay??

 

labce: keith??

 

shirio: lance please give him a minute

 

shirio: ill explain everything if he gives me the okay

 

greendye: can i dm him?

 

shirio: he said yeah pidge, and i can explain

 

shirio: so a few months ago, keith dated rolo. they were doing good, in a happy, healthy relationship until rolo wanted to take it further. you all know keith is ace, and demi, correct? well, he didnt want anything like that, but rolo, being a selfish asshole forced him to, well, have sex. rape, if you will. 

 

shirio: and if youre wondering why he never told you, he really doesnt like talking about it, especially since rolo was a sadist. he was hurt and we ended up bringing him to the hospital because some wounds got infected.

 

shirio: afterwards, he came to me in the middle of a panic attack, and had a shutdown. thats when we really found out he was touch averse. 

 

shirio: about a week later he tried to kill himself.

 

labce: jesus christ

 

labce: wait is that why he always gets so defensive when i joke about him being single??

 

alluba: it took ages for him to trust people again, and seeing as it was only 9 months ago, hes come a long way in a very short amount of time.

 

mbitch: guys, it seems kinda bad so dont force him to talk to you, okay?

 

sunboy: im baking him a cake. you cant stop me

 

greendye: can i bring the stim toys over and hang out with him?

 

shirio: hunk, make sure to use soy or almond milk, pidge, yeah and bring the blanket too

 

labce: can i come over too? i can bring some movies?

 

shirio: you basically live here, all of you. so yeah you guys can all come if you want.

 

alluba: hunk, why dont you bring the ingredients and we bake together?

 

sunboy: im down! :)

 

shirio: keith is crying wh

 

shirio: this is keith and i love you ghusy so much alsdkahs

 

shirio: he snatched my phone sorry

 

shirio: but he really does love you guys, more than he lets on.

 

mbitch: he always raves about how you guys are cooalsjfa;lsdjigh

 

mbitch:

 

alluba: just

 

alluba: be gentle with him. he comes off as strong but hes a very delicate person when it comes down to it. 

 

**_greendye has changed 'lady gaga is a lesbian' to 'sunny k'_ **

 

sunboy: is that a sunny d reference-

 

greendye: indeed it is, hink

 

greendye: HUNK*

 

sunboy: hink

 

labce: hink

 

alluba: hink

 

shirio: hink

 

mbitch: hink

 

keitheth: hink

 

sunboy: keith!!

 

keitheth: sorry about that, i didnt mean to ruin the fun :/

 

labce: Keith you're an idiot.

 

shirio: lANCE

 

labce: Let Me Finish.

 

labce: you shouldnt be saying sorry for reacting the way you did. you were forced into something you didnt want, of course when the person who did it comes back into your life after such a short amount of time youre gonna freak out! so stop. saying. sorry. for your emotions.

 

keitheth: akjdsfgdsfhgdskjf

 

mbitch: hes crying again

 

mbitch:  _[keith_loves_you_guys.png]_

 

greendye: unlock the door allura

 

labce: i picked all of them up so we're all here and pidge has an ominous red and green box

 

labce:  _[The_Box_TM.png]_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_**keitheth > 'sunny k' (a few hours later)** _

 

 

 

 

keitheth: i love you guys. i dont say it enough but i do.

 

keitheth: good night

 

 


	4. hiatus (not a chapter whoops)

yoo so i uh--- 

 

uh-

 

basically im taking a hiatus 😳😳😳😳😳

yea

im not tired of the vld fandom (im still v here, dont worry) and i still love this book,, but

like

 

me having and keeping motivation is like eating soup with a fork ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

so  
uh  
yeah

dont think im leaving u gays okay? ily and i love reading your comments uwu

 

i  
uh

 

okay byE-


	5. the one where keith gets high and spills the tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i changed some names because i couldnt be bothered to remember what their old names were 
> 
> keith: stardust  
> shiro: shirio  
> allura: alluragingpansexual  
> hunk: pinacutelada  
> lance: bibibabyblue  
> pidge: greendye  
> Coran: CCTGM  
> Lotor; l’oreal  
> Matt: matata

**keitheth has changed their name to stardust!**

 

stardust: im feelin a fancy today 

 

stardust: *tips hat* yoohoo men

 

pinacutelada: /what/

 

 

shirio: hes high off of allergy meds

 

stardust: i do.nt tidfh

 

stardust: i don/t/ th*inbk i

 

stardust: i .dot

 

bibibabyblue: take ur time

 

stardust: i dont think yourte udsing that prhase correctingly

 

bibibabyblue: there u go

 

greendye: i feel bad,,,,, for laughin,,g, but this is him releasing all his crackhead energy that hes pent up 

 

matata: shiro

 

matata: shiro

 

shirio: yes honey?

 

matata: how many allergy pills did you give him?

 

shirio: ...

 

shirio: 5...

 

matata: sHIROHJDN

 

matata: no wonder hes tripping balls rn

 

alluragingpansexual: i woke up to keith sscreaming the stupid reeces cup cereal song

 

stardust:  im a  fucing GOF

 

stardust: GOD

 

stardust: its colf

 

bibibabyblue: its the same temp as always??'

 

stardust: oh wormj

 

greendye: HAHASHDAHSNDAKS

 

stardust: anywayd i tnink selena gomes is sa whore

 

matata: SJKHAHDASDHASHDH

 

alluragingpansexual: KEITHAHSASJDN

 

stardust: FAVE IT SHES  A SLKUT

 

shirio: GUYS HE GOT HIS WEIRD ALIEN KNIFE AJSDHA

 

shirio: WAIT

 

shirio: HAHEHASD HE HAS A CORKBOARD FULL OF SELENA GOMEZ THEORIESAHSDHASDHASHDAH

 

shirio:  **[picture_of_keiths_board.png]**

 

pinacutelada: JSDADJASDHASHDAHHAHHAHAHAHA KEITHDNFJ

 

bibibabyblue: IM SOBBIGNDN GJSN

 

matata:  **[video_of_keith_aggressively_pointing_his_knife_at_the_board_and_ranting_about_selena_having_afairs_with_the_illuminati.mov]**

 

greendye: IM ACTRUAKKY ABOT TO PISS MYSLEAHSHADHASHDASHDAHSDASHDAHAHAHA

 

shirio: "THATS HOW SHE GOT VAGINAL CANCER" HSAABSFTR78NUVSSYDRNGFsdfhsdgDHFBAKSDGFADFAHUN

 

shirio: iM SDRMAW

 

matata:  **[keith_falling_into_lances_arms_after_proving_his_point.mov]**

 

matata:  **[flUSTERED_LANCEY_KADASDA.png]**

 

greendye: im so glad i could witness that holy shit

 

shirio: lancguagne 

 

greendye: lancguagne

 

pinacutelada: lancguagne

 

matata: lancguagne

 

alluragingpansexual: lancguagne

 

shirio: i can t believe this

 

pinacutelada: i guess lance and keith are having a bonding moment?

 

greendye: HASDHASHDAHSNNJF

 

matata: keith is /still/ mad about that

 

matata: like he'll message me at 2 am like

 

matata: mAtT wE hAd A bOndInG mOmENt aND hE dIdNT rEmemBER

 

shirio: im....

 

shirio: im related to him..........

 

alluragingpansexual: sadly

 

shirio: RUDE-

 

greendye: lancguagne

 

shirio: PUDGE

 

shirio: WAIT NO

 

 


	6. the one where keith puts the sing in single

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eek im very sorry i just die for so long h jdfgnj school started back and its been a lil stressful but i wanna get back into the jist of things ((:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> names
> 
> keith: stardust  
> shiro: shirio  
> allura: alluragingpansexual  
> hunk: pinacutelada  
> lance: bibibabyblue  
> pidge: greendye  
> Coran: CCTGM  
> Lotor; l’oreal  
> Matt: matata

stardust: i cant believe you didnt take my phone while i was on my meds.

 

shirio: im sorry keith, but it was an experience nobody could miss <3

 

greendye: yeah, sorry MCRMcSizzleBottoms, but it was pretty funny

 

stardust: ...

 

stardust: fine.

 

bibibabyblue: gUYyaAASSS

 

bibibabyblue: IMMMMM DIYMEANNGN

 

pinacutelada: ignore anything he says im 75% sure hes like on sugar or something

 

bibibabyblue: i RELAALIIZED SOMEHTING!!!!

 

bibibabyblue: KEIIHT IS THE ONLY PERSON WITHOUT A S/O

 

stardust: shush

 

shirio: lance

 

bibibabyblue: NO IM NO TDONE

 

stardust: im not even interested in anyone.

 

greendye: 👀

 

stardust: /IM NOT EVEN INTERESTED IN ANYONE/

 

greendye: wow okay then go off

 

bibibabyblue: IEKK SO DOES THAT MEAN I CAN SET U UP WITH A CUTE GIRL ?!

 

stardust: im

 

stardust: im gay

 

greendye: theyre gay, shithead

 

shirio: keith is sorta gay

 

stardust: dyall not trust me enough to say my own sexual orientation// wow-

 

alluragingpansexual: keith?

 

stardust: hmm?

 

alluragingpansexual: d y a l l

 

**stardust Has Left The Group!**

 

greendye: HAHAHAHAHAHAHSKFVN

 

**matata Has Added stardust (***-***-****) into the group**

 

stardust: rat

 

bibibabyblue: dude, we know ur texan, its all good

 

stardust: sighgh,,,,,

 

stardust: well maybe its embarrassing to say that???? like nobody else does it unless theyre joking so i dont wanna always seem like im joking,,

 

shirio: otouto

 

shirio: keiju

 

shirio: /keith/

 

shirio: you never joke

 

stardust: []

 

bibibabyblue: bY e

 

**stardust > greendye**

 

stardust: hey pidge?

 

greendye: hmmm?

 

stardust: is it bad im not in a relationship even though im not aro or aroace?

 

greendye: what makes you think its not?

 

stardust: its just

 

stardust: i guess if someone has to point it out, its an issue?

 

stardust: i just

 

stardust: i guess im just worried that nobody wants a 17 year old gender-nonconforming trans person whos only dated one person who hurt them and therefore doesnt wanna date again unless its someone they trust and also doesnt wanna ruin a good platonic relationship because god damnit they cant find it in themselves to trust anyone else but wants to feel that kind of romantic love

 

greendye: are you okay?

 

greendye: wait no

 

greendye: dont answer that.

 

greendye: im coming over, okay?

 

stardust: pidge, you dont have to

 

greendye: hush

 

     keith let out a small sigh before setting their phone down and scrubbing his eyes, knowing that pidge wasnt going to relent. they hated days like this. when they couldnt look in a mirror and see anything other than a girl or boy. when they didnt wanna conform to anything at all but was forced to by society. when they had to constantly deal with teachers calling them a boy or their deadname. 

 

_" harley, can you read the 4th passage to the class?"_

_"its- uh- keith, ma'am."_

_"its such a shame how the world is destroying innocent minds and making them think they arent a girl or a boy. read the passage."_

 

keith sighed as they grabbed their phone and played a random song from spotify, just clicking randomly. they jumped when they realized it was a song they knew.

 

love taste.

 

they waited until nearly a third of the song was over before finally finding their voice

Girl taste my love every single last drop  
Won't be satisfied baby till you begging me to stop  
Oops there he go it's that boi again  
I mean that cocky mutherfucker all he do is win  
I mean that ecchi sister lover, kami sama under cover  
Fuck around and break that rubber don't speak of it like Another  
Oh my god that's too mean  
These kouhais on that lean  
They say when they hear my voice it's like promethazine  
They fiend when I make em moist drippin' through they jeans  
So I slurp em up and don't stop until they clean  
Shawty gettin rough  
She cut me don't give a fuck  
Shades of Yuno Gasai she drug then tie me up  
Good thing I'm a savage so senpai always manage  
Flip up the script leave her pinned down to the mattress  
Ecchi till I die these imoutos call me senpai  
Girl I'm yandere suck your blood till it runs dry  
Staring at those legs get entranced by those thigh highs  
Been hypnotized so enthralled your moe eyes  
Oh my it's the king of ecchi fangirls worldwide sayin my voice is sexy  
I don't care what you say  
I know one things true, they don't love you like I do

(lmao i stole the lyrics dont look at me)

when the rap finally went off, keith was startled to see a pidge and shiro standing in their doorway, pidge holding a camera in their hands and shiro with his mouth slightly opened. they quickly sat up and gave them a death look.

"YOU CAN RAP?"

 

**greendye > hunk is god**

 

greendye:  _[keith_rapping_my_dudes.mp4]_

 

stardust: P I D G E

 

bibibabyblue: thats. thats not keith, it cant. be.

 

bibibabyblue: NM9IESDPVKO;ASMRATF[S;P39JRFNSDVS

 

pinacutelada: i- WHY DOES IT FIT HIM???

 

greendye: the funny thing is, hes a bottom 👀👀

 

stardust:   B Y     E

 

**bibibabyblue > stardust**

 

bibibabyblue: that,, was really good??? like ur voice is very smooth

 

stardust: iawohekdngklsdjglamshdgau

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was fun to write


	7. the one where keith is questionably angry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow!! long time no gc, huh? sorry for pulling an evan and warping out of existence for about 3 months!! school plus my partners has been kinda time consuming so i havent had much spare time :'c but i really miss updating this so since its almost 2 am on a tuesday i think now is a good time to update eee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> names
> 
> keith: stardust  
> shiro: shirio  
> allura: alluragingpansexual  
> hunk: pinacutelada  
> lance: bibibabyblue  
> pidge: greendye  
> Coran: CCTGM  
> Lotor; l’oreal  
> Matt: matata

greendye: The Time Is 6:24 PM And I Am Microwaving A Whole Box Of Toaster Strudles

 

shirio: youre what now

 

pinacutelada: dont- dont do that pidge

 

stardust: do it. burn the god damn world down

 

stardust: take everything into the flames and char the ones who've ever done you wrong

 

bibibabyblue: eye-

 

pinacutelada: you okay???

 

shirio: theyre still embarrassed over the singing thing

 

stardust: shut the FUCK up before you end up with a second prosthetic

 

bibibabyblue: aha feisty

 

stardust: Lance.

 

matata: better fuckin hide lance, they just ran out with their knife

 

pinacutelada: is everyone just moving past what pidge said????

 

alluragingpansexual: i was fucking SLEEPING shut the FUCK UP BEFORE I COME UP THERE AND RIP YOUR LUNGS FROM YOUR RIBCAGE

 

shirio: i honestly dont care,, its not my kitchen so like

 

shirio: go crazy

 

bibibabyblue: go crazy AAaaaA go stupid aaaAAaA

 

bibibabyblue: oh shitdslkfdfjkvncdxm,.vnx.c,vmzdsfjsla-=3

 

greendye: i think keiht arrived

 

matata: keiht

 

shirio: keiht

 

pinacutelada: keiht

 

alluragingpansexual: keiht

 

**alluragingpansexual Has Added CCTGM To hunk is a god**

 

CCTGM: keiht

 

**CCTGM Has Left hunk is a god**

 

greendye: im going fucking mental

 

shirio: watch your god damn language 

 

pinacutelada: ooh dad cussed im telling mom

 

pinacutelada: wait

 

pinacutelada: whos the group mom

 

stardust: you

 

greendye: KEITH!!

 

shirio: please tell me you didnt kill lance

 

pinacutelada: im the group mom???

 

stardust: i just screamed wildcats in his ear for 3 whole seconds

 

shirio: not again

 

alluragingpansexual: what the hell is going on in this god forsaken chat

 

stardust: WILDCATS

 

alluragingpansexual: goodbye

 

matata: pidge

 

matata: did you ever blow up the kitchen

 

greendye: no. i got a whole box of warmed toaster strudles though

 

stardust: sad

 

bibibabyblue: the fuck?? it worked??

 

bibibabyblue: also KEITHDFHNJSDFGNFJ

 

shirio: okay hes alive

 

shirio: we can work with that

 

bibibabyblue: imsorrywhat-

 

stardust: im having 8 strokes at the same time 

 

matata: damn but ur not dead???

 

stardust: HA

 

stardust: i couldnt get that lucky

 

pinacutelada: i worry for you guys

 

bibibabyblue: keiths emo is rubbing off on us

 

bibibabyblue: blame our turmoil on them

 

stardust: i am not E M O

 

stardust: im simply just

 

stardust: uRAAHGHRYHAHJUAHIRUHFDJH

 

stardust: IM GOONA FUCIKING START SCREAMING I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD

 

stardust: I FUCKINGT GIVE UP

 

pinacutelada: ???

 

greendye: oh maannnn

 

pinacutelada: are- are they okay????

 

shirio: they dropped their hot pocket and now theyre on a ball in the floor crying while the contents of the hot pocket drip out 

 

shirio: they havent had a very good day today, it seems

 

pinacutelada: this is nORMAL for you?????

 

matata: yup. ive lived with them for almost 2 years and this happens like every 2 months

 

greendye: ive been keiths friend for my whole life this happens more than that

 

shirio: they sneezed and bumped their nose against the floor

 

shirio: oh

 

shirio: okay brb its bleeding

 

pinacutelada: ive said it before and ill say it again

 

pinacutelada: i worry about you lot

 

 

_____________________________________________

 

 

stardust: UNDELFSJDFHALKJSDFHASLD;JFHWSANDFLJASDNAFJ;LKSDGVLSIDTHSDJKTGHDSLGJDJFGHFJGHDLJFGHSKLDJFGHFDJKLGHSDFJGSDHDFJLGHDSFLJKGSDHFL I WANNA FUCKING STAB SOMEONE 

 

shirio: patience yields focus

 

stardust: PATIENCE YIELDS FOCUS MY WHOLE GOD FUCKING DAMN ASS SHIRO

 

stardust: ONE OF MY FUCKING GOD DAMN BITCH ASS UKULELE STRINGS FUCKING BROKE AND I CANT FUCKING FIND ANY ON AMAZON THAT FUCKING WORK NDFSLGKJW4HNRTGAPOIDGHSANSDJKLFSDLF

 

stardust: THIS IS FUCKING BUKLSHTI

 

stardust: FUCKING

 

stardust: P A T I E N C E   Y I E L D S   F O C U S 

 

shirio: alrighty then. naptime for you, kid.

 

stardust: ...

 

stardust: im not sleepy though

 

shirio: keith, you really need a nap

 

shirio: ill take one with you?

 

stardust: hngfvmf

 

stardust: fine

 

 

shirio: :) okay! im in the living room. ill get your weighted blanket n peppermint tea you like

 

______________________________________________

 

bibibabyblue: the hell did i just witness

 

greendye: broganes, lance.

greendye: broganes.


	8. happy 20enby (pls read LMAO)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I CACA

HI FKDSFJADF   
SO I WANTED TO SAY HAPPY 2020/20ENBY BUT ,,, I PROMISE IM WORKIN ON A CHAPTER

ITS ALMOST DONE I PROMISE,, IM SORRY TO KEEP YALL WAITING HADNASHD A

 

I HIGHLY DOUBT ANYONE IS WATING BTU STILL


	9. the one where pidge "accidentally" hits a child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i have the image of pidge hitting a really tall 10 year old in my head (keith uses he/him)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have the image of pidge hitting a really tall 10 year old in my head (keith uses he/him)
> 
>  
> 
> names
> 
> keith: stardust  
> shiro: shirio/yourfuckingdad/back to shirio  
> allura: alluragingpansexual  
> hunk: pinacutelada  
> lance: bibibabyblue  
> pidge: greendye  
> Coran: CCTGM  
> Lotor; l’oreal  
> Matt: matata

matata: so pidge, what did we tell you NOT to do during back to school shopping?

greendye: ............

greendye: hit children....

matata: and what did you do?

greendye: ........ i hit a child

matata: and can you tell me Why that was bad?

greendye: ...... because it was younger than me

matata: are you sorry?

greendye:

greendye: no lol

matata: JSFHEUENNAUN

stardust: the fuck did i just witness

shirio: LANGUAGE.

stardust: sorry

stardust: what in the world did have i just fucking witnessed

pinacutelada: give the man a break

bibibabyblue: no dont

stardust: ah ha ha

stardust: (:

greendye: that smiley is so fucking threatening holy shit

shirio: i give up.

'shirio' has changed their name to 'yourfuckingdad'

stardust: when shiro said *disappointed sigh* 

stardust: i felt that

matata: yo where the fuck is mom

stardust: uhh whats that lady

stardust: eiline???

bibibabyblue: WHO THE FUCK IS EILINE??

greendye: YOU DONT KNOW MY MOMS NAME???

yourfuckingdad: DO YOU MEAN COLLEEN??

stardust: yeah thats the one

bibibabyblue: WHOS EILINE???

greendye: MATT IS ROLLING ON THE FLOOR

pinacutelada: this chat is the living embodiment of being drunk on a ferris wheel and thinking youre being sucked away by aliens

stardust: what

stardust: who hurt hunk 

bibibabyblue: we need to stop tormenting this angel man

greendye: agreed

pinacutelada: when did this chat get soft

yourfuckingdad: unsure i think i was zoning out.

stardust: ah yes

stardust: penis rapture

stardust: fuck wrong chat

bibibabyblue: WHAT

matata: WHO'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT PENIS RAPTURE WITH??

stardust: dont worry about it

stardust: uwu

stardust: owo heheheeheheh

stardust: im a cute widdle fuwwy bodnflak;s4irjo4il4i

stardust: FUCK

stardust: fuckin 

stardust: stupid midget kid took my phone

greendye: galra high seems like a hell of a place

stardust: its the second day and i already wanna leave lmao

alluragingpansexual: am i gonna have to come up there and shank a bitch

alluragingpansexual: because

alluragingpansexual: i fucking will

stardust: no no its fine

stardust: im just new, im sure itll become less of a hellhole soon

greendye: do u know who took ur phone

stardust: his name was some weird shit like morvok or somethin

bibibabyblue: who named their kid morvok JSFNJ;

yourfuckingdad: lance, pidge, allura, shiro (anime ass soundin name im not even a fucking weeb), and hunk are equally as strange.

stardust: HA

stardust: im the only one with a generally normal name (:<

bibibabyblue: we all know u used to go by akira lmao

bibibabyblue: so dont try n act like at one point u didnt have a strange name

stardust: LISTEN

stardust: im gay

yourfuckingdad: ah

matata: fun fact, i judged him so hard he changed it to keith

pinacutelada: thats mean :(

stardust: nah hunk, im glad

stardust: akira sounds like a brand of condoms or the second gen karen

greendye: ok since yall're makin my ass vibrate like a dildo, im gonna mute and dip

pinacutelada: bye bye!

stardust: same here

bibibabyblue: haha school people

matata: ur a school people too tho

bibibabyblue: fuck technicality

_________________________

stardust: im back home, shooby doo im home hello im back home shooby doo im home and this is hoooot and steeamyyyyyy

stardust: hello guys this is keith salad and i am eating. bronger king NUGGETS

greendye: QLWKLKQWKWK KEITH SALAD

matata: welcome home keith why are you quoting that noodle dude from youtube

stardust: instead of paying attention in class i watched like 5 different mukbangs, 3 of which being nickvavcadoo bitchass fucker 

stardust: iTs jUsT WatErWeIght stfu 

bibibabyblue: why am i getting notifica

bibibabyblue: oh 

stardust: HUFGYDFI GUYS I JUST GOT MENTIONED THREE TIMES BY SOMEONE ON TWITTER WHO JUST KEPT MENTIONING A SHIT TON OF PEOPLE AND SENDING A FUCKING VIDEO OF A DOG WITH A BALL?? AND THE TITLE IS JUST "MAH BALL" IM GONNC RY DFLKJAHAHHAJJSADH

stardust: HLELP IV E GOTTEN 4 MORE NOTIFICATIONS SINCE THE TWEETS WERE SENT AHDAHDQHJHHJAJQ

yourfuckingdad: WHAT?

yourfuckingdad: ???? WHOHUH?

stardust: oh thank fuck they stopped 

stardust: anyways shiro i saw a really cute cat on the side of the road on the way home, and it has a big scratch on its forehead, and looks super malnourished and dirty

stardust: so uh

stardust: (:,' 

yourfuckingdad: keith... what did you do?

yourfuckingdad: Keith.

stardust: so, uh, meet red ((:

stardust: _**[Red.PNG]**_

greendye: KEITH YOU ADOPTED A CAT???

stardust: yeah!!! i did!!! its a girl and shes super sweet!! shes only been in the apartment for like 10 minutes but shes super comfy on my bed, and later im gonna go and get her some food and stuff! but first i need to take care of the scratch on her head, which seems infected. shes only a kitten though!!!

yourfuckingdad: keith, i know im at work right now, and i know you're almost 17 but are you certain you can take care of a cat?

bibibabyblue: youre surprisingly calm about keith just snatching a cat??

yourfuckingdad: cats are a special interest of his, i would feel awful taking away the kitten, especially since already attached to him, and vice versa.

stardust: her name is red! 

_**yourfuckingdad has changed their name to shirio** _

shirio: sorry, the curse word was irritating

shirio: anyways, keith, when i get home from work we can take red to the vet?

stardust: ok!! ill be cleaning up her cut (:

bibibabyblue: this is incredibly wholesome im gonna cry

pinacutelada: im malreafy cribg

pinacutelada: kkeitg  yuorue so cugte mm,,,,,,mg,fgmdrk,,!!

pinacutelada: wwe lvoe you!!!!,rfsle,!!

alluragingpansexual: i woke up to 93825435 notifs and keith screaming about loving his cat and friends so thats cool i guess

matata: why do you always wake up at like 5 pm?? also hi guys 

stardust: hi matt!! i got a cat!

matata: congrats bud :)

shirio: hey keith, im in the car, wanna go ahead and call so you can tell me about her?

stardust: yeah!!

_________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry this is so late omg,, dFLSDAFKGL but i hope this is good!! i spent a good bit thinking about this chapter and procrastinating, but school has been taking up a lot of time, plus i have this urge to spend as much time as i can with my partners c:


End file.
